I've been thinking about beetles lately, specifically stink bugs. Then tonight as I was sitting here a shadow kept circling and circling on the wall. It was a stink bug flying around and around the light fixture in the center of the room. A gentle reminder that I had planned to write about them but hadn't done it yet.
I was thinking about them because one attacked a friend of mine. I didn't know they could hurt you but this one did - stung him or sprayed him or something right on the cheek. It apparently was quite painful.
I've had a bunch of them over the past few years that come inside in the winter. I'm inclined to take note of the animals, birds and bugs that come into my life and see if they have something to teach. It didn't occur to me right away to sit with the beetle to see what it might have to teach. Not until after my friend's incident. Then I began to ponder it. What is distinctive about the stink bug? Well, it's stink of course. It is a defense mechanism, it will spray the odor to keep predators away.
Hmmm....what is there in that to learn? So I asked myself, do I ever use my own stink to protect myself? Ha! It was actually a timely question for me. It seems lately that a lot of old records I didn't think I played anymore were spinning in my mind again and I was hearing the same old stories. Therefore, my answer was simple. Absolutely. I sometimes slip back into my old sh*t and tell myself that it is somehow protecting me. I did it just the other day. I heard words come out of my mouth and saw the pattern repeat itself from about 20 years ago! I said the exact same thing I had before, coming from the same exact fear. Except this time the fear was completely unfounded. I couldn't believe it was still there lurking.
Thank God for the stink bug though, because I recognized it even as I was saying it and a little while later after sitting with the fear a bit, I took it back! I know that sounds like a little kid thing to do but I believe our words have creative power. I can't take back the energy I released but I can create differently in the next moment by looking the fear squarely in the eye and telling it I'm no longer afraid and with new words re-creating.
Stink bug my friend, thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to be aware of my own stinky patterns and for the reminder it brought that I can also make new ones. You can go back outside now.
To the place heart-a-yearnin'
1 year ago