Years ago my Mom’s best friend, Jane, discovered she had cancer. She lived across the street from us when I was growing up, that second Mom kind of thing. We ran all over the neighborhood playing games and getting in trouble and driving both of them crazy!
I was older when she found out she had cancer. It was pretty insidious and eventually took her life. I remember going to see her and being surprised by how thin and small she looked. She had a large personality and so always seemed larger than life to me. Yet there she was in her bed seemingly so small.
I remember bringing her a small stone, hematite to be exact. I love hematite and I had read about its healing properties. When I saw her that last time I knew everyone thought it would be the last time. Everyone but me that is. I held firmly to the belief that she could be healed. I think at that point I was the only one still holding out hope for that, but that was part of why I felt I had to. I thought if no one had hope, if no one believed a miracle was possible then it couldn’t be. The miracle didn’t happen in this case. I know my Mom still misses her.
Over the past few years or so I’ve pondered the idea of hope and faith. I don’t really like those words now because of the focus they seem to put outside of one's self. Hoping for something in the future or having faith in something that exists outside of me. I’ve come to feel that hope and faith should be ideas that lead you to focus within, to the Source within. I’m not saying that Spirit is not outside of me, I find Spirit in all things. However, my connection to Spirit is within my heart. It is there that I will find hope or faith should I need them. Though to tell you the truth I find that when I am truly living from Spirit I don’t have a need for faith or hope because I am already connected to all that I need.
I wish I knew all that the last day I sat beside Jane, not because it would have saved her life but because I bet I would have seen that same knowing there in her eyes. Maybe knowing she had all she needed within her would have made saying goodbye a little easier.