Thanks to Ruth and Emily for inspiring me to blog more frequently!!!
I fell off the Peace Boat (similar to the Peace Train!) this week. Really it’s probably more accurate to say that I feel like I was getting dragged behind the Peace Boat for the past two weeks! There were moments I thought I might drown. I would lift my face up out of the water and try to swim to catch up and pull myself back on board but it was as if there was a barrier I couldn’t see, keeping me from climbing back on.
I find it very uncomfortable when I can’t connect with that Peace within myself. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while now, really anchoring in that connection and getting to know what it feels like so I could find it again in times of darkness.
I’m not sure what it was about this particular darkness that made it so difficult. It feels like lots of people were (and still are) moving through some darkness over the past couple weeks. Personally, I’ve had the opportunity (I try to see it as an opportunity) to look at a lot of old patterns and ways of thinking that I don’t really need anymore. In other words, I’ve been looking at a lot of my own junk. Not necessarily a fun process but the outcome of clarity and healing was worth the journey, as it always is.
I’m not exactly kicking back on the deck of the boat yet, but at least I’m back on board and making my way toward the sunlight. It feels awfully good to be back to where I can feel that anchor of Peace within myself. It’s this sense of knowing that no matter how rough the waters get, that anchor is there and I may get tossed about but I will not drift.
Looking around me now I can see that really I didn’t drift this time either. Did I get tossed about? Hell yeah! Lost at sea? Hell no, though there were times I couldn’t see the stars for guidance. Still, the anchor held firmly, even if it was too murky for me to get my bearings for a while. The thing is, working with has Peace paid off, because even though I couldn’t always feel it, most of the time I knew I would return to it. Most of the time.