The Color of a Soul

The Color of a Soul

by Lynda Allen

His face was empty but I could still glimpse his life in his eyes.  A life that no longer mattered here on this field of destruction.  I can feel movement around me but all I can do is look into his unblinking eyes.  He was my brother in what seems like another world.  I can’t remember my own name, only the color of his eyes in the summer sun.  How could someone we don’t know have taken his life?  I can’t grasp the truth or insanity of it.  

Bullets and bodies continue to fall around me but have no impact on me.  Not a tear falls upon his body; they dried up long ago with others lost.  But this, this is different.  I have no words for the difference, for the smell in the air, for the scene before me.  It’s beyond anything imaginable, beyond Sunday school Hell. The sounds register on some level, the cries and orders barked around me.  Still none of it touches me.  There is only him and me and this frozen moment.  Frozen like the cold blue of his eyes, frozen like the blood in my veins.  No anger emerges to set me in motion, to avenge his small life, a life small enough not to be noticed by those who lunge past.  A life unnoticed by the eyes of war.

Someone removed me eventually from the site and later his body was collected and counted and prepared for the last trip home.  They let me accompany him; not knowing what else to do with me.  I had not spoken nor heard a word since they found me there by his side.  What to do with a soldier who can neither speak nor hear?  Ship him home along with the dead, as useless to the battle as they now are.  They don’t know I never left that battle.  Still I reside there where my heart, my hope, my brother’s last breath lay buried among the monuments of great deeds. 

Great deeds; brothers killing brothers they’ve never known.  My greatest deed was being his older brother.  That deed ended with one bullet from the gun of one who never knew the color of his eyes dead or alive.  For the color was slightly different in death.  I didn’t know the soul had color, but it must for it took some blue from his eye when it left him behind.  The mud on his face, the tone of his skin, the ever present green of his uniform, all were the same.  All the same but his eyes. If his eyes had been closed things might have been different.  I might have been able to move or breathe. 

So I flew home beside him thinking it couldn’t get worse, but back home I had to look Mom in the eyes, eyes the same color as his in life, now the same color as his were in death.  Life and soul gone from her too.  A flag, a dog tag, a telegram how can they fill a void so wide?  

I wanted to comfort her.  I wanted to have the right words.  There are no words of comfort from a field of battle drenched in blood and sorrow.  The best I could do was to lead her away from the grave where her heart now lay buried, just as they led me away from the ground where my heart lies.  What will grow where hearts lie buried?  There’s nothing for me but to silently pray that where a heart is buried, love can one day put down roots.

(inspired by the Carbon Leaf song, The War Was in Color)

Department of Peace

A while ago I felt inspired to write to President Obama about creating the United States Department of Peace. There has been a movement to create a Department of Peace for years, supported by members of congress from both the Democratic and Republican parties and as far back as 1793. I delayed in writing the letter but was not sure why. Then yesterday I heard a discussion on the radio about online petitions and a site the White House created called We the People, where anyone can register and create their own petition. 

That was apparently the information I had been waiting for. I honestly believe that this issue is non-partisan, that a Department of Peace is essential if we want to create a peaceful future for ourselves and future generations. Below is the letter I wrote to the President - it is in it's full length, in order to submit it on the White House site I had to shorten it! Don't they know I'm a writer?! 

Here is a link the petition for the creation of the United States Department of Peace, https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/create-united-states-department-peace/mDl2yR6c. I also had to shorten the description of the petition as they only allow 800 characters! If you would like information about the bill submitted in 2007 to Congress for the creation of a Department of Peace you can find that here, http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/110/hr808#summary.

Together we can make our voices heard with a call for Peace. Until the petition reaches 150 signatures it will not be publicly viewable on the We the People website so you have to follow or copy and paste the link for now. To be reviewed by the White House the petition needs to get 100,000 signatures by February 15!

Please be the peace you hope to see in the world and sign the petition and share the link.

In gratitude,
Lynda

January 16, 2013

Dear President Obama,

Congratulations on your re-election. As a two term president I’m sure you are acutely aware of the legacy you will leave as a gift to our country. Therefore, as you celebrate your inauguration there is no better time to make a choice that will positively impact not only our country, but also our world, for generations to come.  I ask you as a citizen, as a parent and as a member of our human family, please Mr. President take this opportunity to make a bold statement for peace by creating a Department of Peace.

As I’m sure you know, there is a long history of a call for a Department of Peace dating back to our Founding Fathers. With the horrors of Newtown still fresh in our mind you could say that now is the time.  And it is indeed time to heed the call for peace, but not solely as a reaction to the debate on gun violence, but because it is the right thing to do. There must be balance to achieve harmony. So I ask you, how will we ever reach a place of balance and harmony and even begin to have a culture of peace when we have only a Department of Defense?  

We have a history of reacting to our world rather than creating the world we hope to see. Yet, you yourself have said, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Please, live your own inspiring words and be the change our world seeks. You have the opportunity and the means; use them to create a legacy of peace. I know you have the heart to do it and I know you will have people all over the country and all over the world who will support and cheer your choice. Be the leader I know you are and lead us along a path of peace.

While I have a strong belief that peace begins within each heart, a Department of Peace could provide the means to assist so many in finding that path to peace. The Department of Peace can coordinate the provision of conflict resolution materials and training for schools, universities, non-profit organizations, corporations, cities and towns across the United States. It’s true that we already attempt to assist in negotiations in difficult situations around the world, but imagine the impact it would have if there were a department full of people whose job it was to be peacekeepers every day. Peacekeepers not just on the international scale, but in cities plagued by gang violence, in prisons where violence is the culture rather than peace and in communities reaching out to people of different ethnic groups and backgrounds to bring people together to see their similarities rather than their differences.  The possibilities are limited only by our imagination! So imagine it Mr. President, a country where peace is a way of life. That is the legacy you can create for yourself and for all of us.

In order to demonstrate to you the support I know you will have for a Department of Peace, after I send this letter to you I plan to take you up on your offer of participation and collaboration on the We the People website and will begin a petition for a Department of Peace.  

My heart is with you President Obama, now is the time and you are the one. Be the change.

In gratitude and peace,

Lynda Allen

A Happy New Year

I sent off a box full of origami hearts to the Connecticut PTSA today for the kids of Sandy Hook Elementary. I included a short note letting them know that the hearts were our way of letting them know our hearts are with them. I hope they can feel it.

That is my wish for this New Year, that we will consciously and lovingly create a world where our hearts are with each other and that each person can feel it.

As you approach 2013 please know that my heart is with you. My love is limitless and knows no boundaries or walls. This is a year when I will strive to create every moment from the love that I am. That includes every moment I spend with you or even thinking about you.

Please feel free to remind me if my Jersey side shows up from time to time. : )

A Stocking Hung by the Chimney with Care

In my family we celebrate Christmas. For me it is a time to celebrate not just the birth of Jesus and his bright light, but also the light in each heart and the returning of the physical light as well. There are many holidays this time of year and each seems to include a remembering of the light.

This year, Christmas may be less of a celebration in a small town in Connecticut. That thought has been weighing heavy on my heart. I want so much to be able to wrap my arms around the whole town and comfort them in their time of grief. I want so much, like so many others, to find a way to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again.

So I have been looking at the idea of Christmas and the people of Newtown and wondering what gift I could genuinely offer them. How could I find a way to really give them that hug that I so long to offer? How can I genuinely wrap them in the love that I feel?

I thought of two options. One is to learn to make origami hearts and to teach the children at our church and schools to make them. Together we can make many hearts and send them to Sandy Hook Elementary to make sure they know and feel the love that surrounds them, that is flowing to them from so many hearts that ache along with theirs. (If you want to make them too there are lots of instructions online. On this page is a list of different origami hearts – the easiest one is called Easy Heart, http://www.origami-instructions.com/origami-hearts.html)

The other thing I will do is hang an extra stocking. In the poem, T’was the Night Before Christmas, the phrase says, “The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.” I thought, what if it meant that the stockings were filled with caring? What if I can demonstrate my caring by filling the stocking with love, with all the things that will be needed for us to heal and create a society where this terrible moment won’t happen again, where we won’t have to have our hearts collectively break? In that Spirit, in the Spirit of light that is Christmas for me, I will hang an extra stocking with care this year. I will fill it with compassion, love, light, tolerance, understanding, goodwill and grace. I will add more things as I feel inspired. If I don’t have an object that represents these things I will simply write them on a piece of paper and add them to the stocking.

I will stuff that stocking with whatever is necessary for us to talk together in peace and light, for us to live together in grace, for us to love together in tolerance, for us to heal together in love, for us to honor those lights we have lost, in Newtown, in Aurora, in Wisconsin and around the world. A stocking filled with care in order to help create a world where each light is honored and revered. A world where those whose lights are dimmed by fear or anger or hatred or mental illness can again be surrounded by enough love and light to be able to find their way back to and be guided by love and to the help that they need.

So this year a stocking will indeed be hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that a world built on love soon would be there.

Three Candles

This is how I felt yesterday in relation to the shootings in Connecticut. May the light shine brightly tonight and every night.

Three Candles

Words cannot fill a heart that has drained of life.
Words cannot recreate the color in a cheek.
Words cannot open an eye that has closed.
Words cannot utter the unspeakable grief.
So I lit three candles.
I don’t know why there were three,

one was too lonely, and two was not enough.
So I lit three candles,
as my heart ached and my tears fell.
I poured water beneath one candle
for the healing it represents
hoping it would be felt.
So I lit three candles
trusting that somehow the light would carry
to the places that now seem so dark.
I wish I had a million candles to light tonight.
I would create a circle of light to surround our planet,
to encircle my human family,
to illuminate all the darkness.
So I lit three candles,
to create just one moment for us to all stand in the light.
A moment to see each other
and know we are not alone,
to see that our hearts beat together in our sorrow,
as they can beat together again one day in joy.
One moment for us all to stand in the light
and see that they are all our children,
that we all grieve to the core of our being
for the lights we have lost,
as we can heal together for the sake of those lights.
So I lit three candles,
My breath shallow, my cheeks damp, my heart heavy,
And I looked at those lights and I prayed.
I prayed for more lights.
I prayed for an inferno fueled by love,
A fire bright enough to be seen by the angels,
Hot enough to warm a heart cold with sorrow,
Strong enough to kindle a spark.
So I lit three candles
And I prayed.

by Lynda Allen

From Deepest Darkness there Came Great Light

I wrote this last year around this time. It feels like it is time to share it again. It is a gift of light for the holidays.  

I wish you light and abiding peace and love,

Lynda

From deepest darkness there came great light.

It matters where the light falls

A manger is a trough from which horses and cattle are fed. Once a manger was padded with hay that a baby might rest upon it and the world be fed. Gentle hands laid him to rest upon a bed of straw and a great light from deepest darkness fell upon him.

They did not know that it matters where the light falls, that if it falls upon a heart so open, it will find there not just a home, but a mirror to reflect it back. When they looked upon him they saw the great light shining back through his heart, his smile, his touch, his words. But it matters where the light falls. For some, the reflected light from deepest darkness warmed and illuminated them and they felt great and abiding joy. For others the light was blinding, and they could not look directly at it. They feared it because they knew that to look at the sun could do great harm. They didn’t know that this son meant them no harm.

It matters where the light falls. Some saw the light from afar and knew it was a beacon that could guide them. They let the light fall upon their hearts and found it would lead them across vast expanses and bring them at last to the source of the light. And so it did. It brought them to a tiny manger from which they were fed, one small heart reflecting the light for all to see. For that is what he was from the moment he was laid in the manger, simply a reflector of the great light from deepest darkness.

It matters where the light falls. If it falls upon the doors of an inn that are closed, the light will warm and illuminate only the door, not able to enter across the threshold.

That night long ago, it fell upon a stable whose doors were swung wide and whose creatures were welcoming. That night it found an open manger, a receptive place, for the light to be laid with gentleness upon a soft bed created with love. That night the great light that sprung from deepest darkness came to rest upon the heart of a child. His heart, which was so great in one so small, welcomed the light and there was immeasurable joy.

His heart shone forth with the light. His heart was the light. His heart is each heart.

The great light from deepest darkness ever shines and ever touches all, it matters only whether it falls upon a closed door or upon a place with doors open and a manger waiting where the light can rest and feed all.

 

Lynda Allen

Energy of Hate

Over the past few weeks I have observed the word hate creep back into my thoughts. It hasn’t been in relation to people, just to things or situations, I hate it when…(and not in the funny Billy Crystal on SNL kinda way.) Hate is a word I had eradicated from my vocabulary because I don’t like to carry the energy of it in my body and because words have such power.

I honestly think that the reappearance of it in my mind is related to the negativity surrounding the political campaigns across the country, specifically the presidential campaign. And it’s not just the politicians. There is a sad lack of civility in our political debate. It is always the other side is wrong and my side is right. There is very rarely a discussion of what we have in common or even a civil discussion of differences. I often think that children behave better than adults do when it comes to politics (or sports but that’s a different matter), though I have even seen the divisiveness of the debate process spill over onto my daughter as she watched them for her Civics class.

I was sad to see that I had let it touch me too, that I had become part of the problem. By even thinking that word I was adding the energy of it to the world around me. What energy it is too. Look at some of the synonyms for hate; loathe, execrate, despise, abhor, detest, abominate. (I had to look up execrate! It's not a nice word.) It feels uncomfortable just looking at those words let alone the feeling of directing them at something. And think of all the people directing thoughts of hate or loathing at each other right now or at the presidential candidates. How overwhelming. No wonder it wandered into my thoughts.

Now I’m inviting it to wander right back out of my thoughts. I liked it when the word hate was not one that crossed my mind or entered my heart. I don’t know how or why people choose to live with that word inside themselves. There is a heaviness that comes with hatred, a force that is directed at others. Imagine all the force of all the hatred that is being focused in our country right now. What are we creating?

I must choose differently. You have my apologies for the hate that I added to the world over the past couple weeks, even if it was just hating that the light turned red or the slowness of the internet connection. Think of all the millions of people that could have been touched by it if the energy of that hate could travel through the bits and bytes of cyberspace to others. I shudder to think.

I will focus on civility, on love. I will do my best to hold thoughts and use words that create a positive force in the world. I will return to my own personal Campaign Pledge 2012. I sit with the idea of that pledge almost every morning after I wake up, but I will try to return my focus to it throughout the day, especially over the next two weeks.

My reason is simple and really Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”